Rain Rain Go Away...

Today I am fighting with all that I am made of to not spin down into the black hole of depression which I have known before. I am not quite sure where this is coming from. I have been free of depression for just about 9 or 10 years. With the exception of almost 5 years ago when I gave birth. I had a three week bout with postpartum depression. Other than that I only experience the blues once in a while like anyone else does.

I am convinced that springtime and the end of another school year has something to do with it. My little guy will finish up his last year of preschool this week on Friday. In the fall he will be in kindergarten already! My older son has just finished his second year of college and will be 20 in August. I've had other things on my mind this past week as well. I lost a baby 9 years ago today at midnight. My cousin's death was almost a year ago now. Too many of my friends are too busy to get together these days. It's all a little overwhelming and very lonely.

I am not fond of change I will admit, but I usually handle things better than I have been of late. I am in desperate need of some fun! We were planning on going to New York City this weekend for 5 days, but had to cancel due to some unexpected expenses, the swine flu helped a bit, and our oldest wasn't going to be able to go at the last minute. I can take a hint. We were not supposed to go for some reason...

All the rain this spring has given way to some beautiful green grass, flowers, and trees. I am ready for some sunny days though, so the weather will warm up. So rain, rain go away...come again another day.

How was your day? I am done getting things off my chest. Now do I dare post this or hit delete?!

A Bittersweet Mother's Day...

As I sit here thinking about how lucky I am to be able to have another go a being Momma to my second little guy, it is bittersweet. My 36 year old cousin passed away last June from cancer. She had three kids. This will be her kid's first Mother's Day without her, and her mom's first Mother's Day without her as well. I also have a friend who's son passed away last August. His 23rd birthday was today. I remember hearing her sister in law talk at his funeral about her memories of him coming home from the hospital on Mother's Day, soon after he was born.

Life throws us curve balls every once in a while, and it is how we choose to respond that shows us what we are truly made of. It is with great admiration that I write this post tonight. My friend and her husband are still weathering the storm that was created the day their son passed, but they do so with grace. I believe God has shown them mercy with all the love, support and compassion that surrounds them. People really are good and they do come through in hard times. I just wish it didn't take hard times for people to show up for others.

My cousin has been on my mind all week. This time last year we were getting ready to meet her and her family in Savanah, Georgia to go on to Disney World with them for a week. She died three weeks after we returned from Florida.

So this Mother's Day I will treasure every moment with my son's no matter what we do or don't do. I will inhale the breathes of fresh air which are their personalities, and be thankful to God that he has blessed me with two beautiful boys. Without them my life would most certainly be incomplete.

To Nicole, I know you will be looking down upon those who miss you terribly, and God will grant us the grace to get through the day. We will remember happy times with you and treasure them always until we meet again someday in God's Kingdom. I love you, Nicky.

To Michael, Happy Birthday. You are sorely missed. I'm sure your family spent the day reminiscing about the day you were born. I didn't really know you that well, but what I did know of you was truly a pleasure.

To all those in blogland, I wish for you a peaceful Mother's Day, and the ability to make the most out of every day, not just holidays. Give thanks for those you love and cherish the smallest of moments with them.